Praha, Pivo, Prosim

In a feat of bad English instruction I bring you some information about Czech hookers…

First, allow me to explain…

Last week, somehow the topic of prostitution came up in a lesson. Yes, you read that right. No holds barred in my classes.

Anyway, prostitution is legal here. That is, from what I had heard, prostitutes are legal if they operate within a brothel. I asked my student to confirm said knowledge. My student didn’t know the word ‘brothel’ so I provided a synonym: whorehouse. From there, I broke down the word further…. a whore = a prostitute a ‘ho’ = slang for a prostitute (I also said it is unwise to refer to a woman as a HO unless of course she really IS a ho)…. (Random: Czechs love learning American slang! They might not take many notes in class but if I preface some terms by saying they are ‘American slang,’ they quickly grab their pens and get to work.)

So, of course the student remembers the slang term HO which he used in a correct form today. I was so very proud at that moment and I expressed said pride in the knowledge that he now knows about hos.

Anyway, back to my story… so yes, it is true that prostitutes are required to conduct their business from a brothel. However, that’s not to say there aren’t your run-of-the-mill street hookers and jacked-up, one-toothed, peg-legged, crackwhores wandering the dark alleys of Prague. I’ve walked down Vaclavske Namesti numerous times at night and I can say I’ve never noticed a street ho parading her ass around the sausage stands for a fresh John. Maybe they don’t dress like your typical American street hooker complete with fish nets stockings, busted teeth and clear-heeled ho boots. I also don’t know how much the local and state police monitor the ho stroll so I sadly can’t report any hilarious hooker arrests involving flying shoes and spitting. Too bad–it would be a good blog.

So anyway back to my point…. my student told me that yes, they are supposed to work in the whorehouse but there is a famous stretch of road here in the Czech Republic that has some internationally famous hookers. No, I don’t mean that they are famous individually for any special or unique hooker skills they might possess. I just mean to say that from what Valer told me, there is a stretch of the E55 highway littered with Czech-speaking blow job queens. Somehow I find the prospect of being a highway hooker quite depressing. Of course I’m not suggesting that I think the life of a regular city ho is anything glamorous. No sir, I’ve seen Sally Jesse and Springer; I know how that shit goes down. But man, selling your ass for a quickie in the back of a semi truck hauling zucchini to Berlin must really be scraping the bottom of the proverbial pride barrel. Dang, y’all.

**I was going to provide a link but if you Google ‘prostitutes on E55,’ you’ll find some interesting stuff.