Let’s Go to the Movies!
I don’t know anyone who says they don’t like movies. Well ok, I take that back, I do know someone who says he hates movies but this is also the guy who says he hates reading. And, might I add that he states this with passion. A quick word of advice: you sound really stupid when you say things like that.
So anyway, I’m a fan of horror movies. Yes, it’s true. I’m no horror film junkie nor do I claim to be an expert in the genre but I do claim that they are fun to watch. There’s really a big range of horror flicks. Under the blanket term of ‘horror,’ I can think of a few sub-genres: zombies, vampires (or any other monster of choice), post-apocalyptic, crazed killing maniacs/slasher, cannibals, aliens, infections/disease, etc. Of the above, I don’t have a favorite.
There are also the fun ‘campy’ movies that can fall into any category. The campy, cheezy ones are probably the most fun to watch and the most laughable. They’re largely unrealistic with really horrible dialogue but that’s what makes them fun. If you laugh when someone’s head gets cut off, it’s probably classifiable as camp. If you are looking for a hilarious horror movie may I recommend Killer Tongue (yes, you read that right) or Trailer Park of Terror. The plot of Killer Tongue is awesome: it has a meteor (or asteroid, I can’t remember which), drag queens, nuns, the guy who played Freddy Kreuger, and yes, in fact a killer tongue that has full conversations with it’s owner. Go watch it now.
So, aside from the fun & campy/cheezy horror films there are very few that are genuinely disturbing & scary. I suppose my problem is that when I watch these movies I ‘know’ they’re lame productions using corn syrup blood and bad prosthetics. Sometimes, a legitimately gory mindfuck of a bloodbath is good for a cold dark night. The French have been really good at mastering this subset of film lately.
Yes really, the French have produced some truly awesome horror movies in the last few years. Here are my recommendations…..
I first saw Haute Tension (High Tension) a few years ago and I really enjoyed it. The film has non-traditional female leads and well, it’s in French so it sounds pretty. Even when a psycho is chasing you through the woods with a huge saw, at least the accent is pleasing to the ear.
Calvaire (The Ordeal) was a disappointment. It’s the only one here that I give a thumbs down. The main character gets lost and is helped by a man who lives in a rural country house. Think Deliverance but in French and more fucked up.
Martyrs is, well, damn. It’s really kind of two films as the first half and the last half are quite different. Possibly the biggest mindfuck movie I’ve ever seen. Eew, damn. Creepy. Another film that goes non-traditional with female leads.
Frontiere(s) is another Deliverance-ish film. The main characters hole-up in a cute little country inn only to find the owners are well, Nazi cannibals. There’s even a lovely old French Nazi who wants to find a wife for his heir so they can continue breeding. Lovely. There’s a nice death scene that involves a slow burning/blistering of the skin. Mmm, makes me want to go to the sauna!
I really loved L’interieur (Inside). Most of the film takes place in one location and by the end of the film, said location is covered in blood. It’s very gory–maybe one of the bloodiest horror films ever. At the core, it’s a woman vs. woman fight but of course, several others get butchered along the way. Knitting needles & scissors–hooray!!
There’s still another French movie that I’ve been trying to watch but I can’t seem to locate an English-dubbed version– Ils (Them). It’s a work in progress.
Aside from the French, I’ve also seen a few Scandinavian horror flicks recently, too. Actually, I have one on pause right now!
Dead Snow is a really funny Norwegian (I think) film that surprisingly, takes place in the snow! As is the formula for any good horror movie, the main characters are conveniently deserted in the snowy mountains only to find themselves battling zombie Nazi soliders from WWII. This isn’t really a scary movie but it’s fun to watch.
Let the Right One In is technically a vampire film. It’s based on a book. The main vampire is a centuries old child. I believe this is a Swedish film. This isn’t very bloody or scary but the colors & lighting make it kind of bleak and atmospheric. You get a really strange vibe from this movie. Although from what I’ve read some key details are omitted from the film version, I enjoyed it.
Frostbitten is on pause right now in my player. Another Swedish flick but this one has vampires. And talking dogs, red pills, doctors & goth teens. So far, thumbs up. I was sold when the dogs started talking.
